Bittersweet Motherhood

What is motherhood like? You try to tell all the soon-to-be-mom’s just what to expect. Messy. Beautiful. Wonderful. Crazy. Chaotic. Hard. What’s an antonym for glamorous? Yea, that. But there’s really no word better than bittersweet.

I remember the idea of motherhood. Plotting out how to announce it, dreaming about the cute little bump I would have, marveling at each little kick, nibbling sweet baby toes, and getting cute videos of them trying (and spitting up) their first taste of baby food. It was all so magical. Sure, I knew it wouldn’t all be easy, but it would be worth it.. right?

Well, obviously yes. I was 100% right about it being worth it, but that would be my first (of many, many more) dose of bittersweet motherhood. Announcing a pregnancy is one of the most heartwarming things you can go. Happy tears all around and congratulations galore, but only after an excruciating 12 weeks of waiting for it to be “safe” to announce. Then there’s a whole lot of sweet, miraculous baby kicks you thought you’d never get sick of (until its week 34 and you’re begging your unborn to please, PLEASE let you sleep.) Add in some morning sickness and your cute baby bump emerging into a a full size exercise ball, and you get a much better idea about all the “magic” you’ve been warned about, but still you look back on it with such nostalgia.

Fast forward to them being born, and oh my goodness, the sleep deprivation. The feedings. The endless crying. I very clearly remember sitting up late one night in my living room, feeding my daughter, loathing my husband and his worthless nipples, wondering when I was ever going to get a break. Only to have him wake up and ask me if I wanted to go get my nails done, and immediately thinking “No way. I don’t want to leave her.”

But that’s just motherhood. From one day to the next, one stage after another, we are eternally waiting to “just get through this phase” and on to an easier one.

*Mom Tip: Each phase has it’s own difficulties. Some are easier than others, but there’s no cakewalk phase. You have my guarantee.

Whether it’s just to sit up, crawl, walk, talk, let you leave the room without hysterical break downs, you just can’t wait for it to happen. Then, eventually, it does. We put them in their own bed for the whole night for the first time, then sit there in our own breakdown asking why we didn’t cherish every moment we rocked them, instead of anxiously waiting for them to fall asleep so we can watch our recorded shows.

Like I said, bittersweet.

All those hard moments you wish you could go back to as you scroll through year old photos on your iPhone. I am not immune. I’m definitely a victim myself, and as much as I want to start cherishing every moment, I know tomorrow I’m going to change my almost two year old’s diaper and wish she was potty trained, then years from now regret not relishing the times she needed me to wipe her own butt.

…Well, maybe not.

But go hug your child anyway, and soak up all that sweet little kid lovin’, because motherhood is oh so bittersweet.

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